My Toddler Doesn't Know How To Share

"Share your toys."

"Let them borrow your things."

We often say these words to our toddlers but they still won't share. The only answer we get is, "No. Mine!"

Are they being selfish at an early age? Will they grow up to be like this? Of course, not!

My little one plays with children who don''t know how to share. Being a toddler who has a very absorbent mind, she does whatever is done to her with other kids. She also doesn't share. As a mother, we want to teach our kids good manners as early as possible. We want them to be respectful and compassionate. One time, I got really sad and bothered upon observing that my toddler looks selfish for not letting a new kid in the neighborhood borrow her things. I felt bad when I saw her snatching her toys away from the kid. What's really bothering was the negative image of her to the kid's mom. She might think that my child is "madamot." 

Then, I remembered Maria Montesorri's philosophy on sharing. Kids should not be taught how to share, instead they should be taught how to wait for their turns. Sharing is a big word for kids. It must come from them naturally, just like how they learned to walk and talk. 

Imagine this. You are so focused on reading a book you love so much, then somebody just got if from you. Wouldn't you be frustrated? 

I realized that it's wrong for me to think that my toddler who doesn't know how to share yet, just like other kids her age, is selfish. She doesn't want to give her things to her friends, most especially to strangers, because she is not yet done with it. She is just taking her time. She knows that her things belong to her. She's developing a sense of ownership. 

We, adults, should not expect little minds to automatically give what they have to others. We should not expect them to share generously and willingly. We've all been through this stage before. If we become hesitant to share our own possession to others at times, how much more our little ones? 

So how will our toddlers learn how to share then? Learning how to take turns is the very first step in sharing, according to Montesorri schools. Here's what I have to do to teach my turning two-year old the value of sharing. Perhaps, you can do them, too. 

Whenever she's holding something, and her friend wants to get it, I'll tell the other kid, "Wait for your turn. Mav's not yet done with it. She'll share it with you when she's done." Since my child hears these words as well, she will then, at least, know that she can take her time with her thing but someone wants it too. 

Whenever she wants to borrow something from her friend, and she won't be allowed, I'll tell her to wait for her turn, too.

Whenever she lets someone borrow her thing, I will not just say vague words like "Very good," or "Good job." I'll tell her "Look how happy your friend is because you shared it with her!"

We'll also practice taking turns by simply passing an object and saying "Your turn," "Nanay's turn," or "Tatay's turn."

Whenever she's holding something I need and she won't give me, I'll tell her, "Okay. It's your turn to use it now but Nanay is waiting for her turn, too." It's possible to also give her a timer or simply count up to ten so that she'll know that it's my turn and count again for her turn. This way, she'll know that giving something away is not for always. 

We'll also be the role models. We can do this by simply saying, "Look, Mav. Nanay is smiling because Tatay shared his food to me."

It might be a long process, but the result would be as precious as gold- a child who knows how to share not because she's told to do so, but because it's her genuine act of kindness.